Ask A Health & Lifestyle Coach
NEW!!! The coaching I offer is very personalized, but some questions come up frequently, regardless of who I’m working with. I’ll try to answer some of them here. Got a question? Email me at Robin (at) HedonisticWellness (dot) com. To protect your privacy, I never publish the names of letter-writers who are seeking advice.
Something just happened that made me very angry – but I can’t do anything about it right now. What can I do so I don’t blow a gasket?
This is an extremely uncomfortable place to find yourself – one, I suspect, we’re all familiar with. First, bear in mind that anger is a warning sign – not that you're a terrible person, as some of us were taught, either in ignorance or by people who had a vested interest in manipulating us. Anger is a wake-up call that something in your life needs changing.
Before we’re able to use that information, though, we need to find a bit of balance. Here are a few of the ways I get my anger to a level where it doesn’t overpower me:
Take a walk: When I’m angry, this means walking VERY FAST. I joke that I leave footprints in the concrete behind me with steam coming off them. Seriously, though, it helps. In fact, any type of exertion will help. Everyone’s got their preference: jumping rope, kickboxing, jumping jacks, running up and down stairs, running around the block (or farther, if you’re a runner), cleaning the apartment, etc.
Write down what you’d like to say to the person, or about the situation, that made you furious. This is not for public consumption; it’s for your private thoughts. Vent. Write down all the awful things you’re thinking; why you were wronged; how despicable someone is for doing what they did. NOTE: If you were harassed or might need this information at a later time to make either a formal or informal complaint, create a second document after you’ve finished venting. In this second document you’ll set down the facts and timeline of what happened, but you’ll omit your feelings. If you’re too upset to think clearly and can’t do this right away, come back to it as soon as you can – hopefully the following day. Don’t push yourself, but bear in mind that you’re likely to remember things most clearly close to the event.
Scream into a pillow … and/or punch one: Yep, literally. The pillow is so you don’t alarm your housemates or neighbors. The physical exertion, as well as the verbal release, help to bring down your frustration level. It may take several screams/punches before you feel better. It probably goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway: If you get hoarse or feel like you’ve pulled a muscle: Stop. IMPORTANT: If anyone reading this has an anger management problem, please omit this step. There’s no shame in recognizing that an activity may be bad for your recovery.
Drink a glass of cool water: Slowly. Take small sips. Feel the sensation of the coolness moving down your throat and through your body. Resist the urge to throw the glass across the room. In fact, the more slow sips you take, the less likely you are to want to hurl kitchenware.
Jot down notes about what you could do to improve the situation: This may take a while. In fact, it’s helpful to think of this as a project you can come back to over the course of several days, or longer. Write down ideas as they come to you about what actions you might take. For example:
Plan what you’ll say the next time you see the person who upset you. Remember to leave space – literally and in your heart – for them to respond. You’re not preparing a lecture.
Think of a few concrete actions you could take (supporting a cause financially, volunteering at an event, working with people in need, etc.)
Call a friend: I find it’s best to do this after I’ve had a chance to go through the steps above. That way I won’t be dumping my emotions onto my friend – which would leave both of us feeling terrible. You can’t get rid of an emotion by dumping it onto someone else; you just force some of what you’re feeling into them. Which is not kind. Similarly, don’t try to make someone else feel bad in a misguided attempt to make yourself feel better. That’s not just unkind; it’s sadistic.
Remember that feeling anger doesn’t make you a bad person: Sadly, many of us have been taught that only bad people feel anger. This is not true, and it’s so important that I’m saying it in this post for the second time. This lie may have been impressed upon you by folks who lacked the emotional tools to acknowledge another person’s feelings, or as a means of elevating their needs and minimizing yours. It feels awful to be both angry and ashamed of that anger because you’ve been brainwashed into believing it’s proof that you’re a bad person. Please do your best not to believe that! Anger can be a wonderful tool: it can tell us when a person or a situation is harmful to us; it can be a cue and a motivation to make a change.
Anger is something we all have to contend with at one time or another. Being able to harness it can transform it from a terrifying experience into one that can help us get to where we want to be.
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I know I’m supposed to eat organic fruits and vegetables, but they’re so expensive! How can I make this work?
Fun fact #1: Not all fruits and veggies need to be organic; some have built-in protection against pesticides. Think avocados and bananas, which have thicker skins than, for example, pears or raspberries. Or, surprisingly, asparagus, which has a thick stalk and buds that are closely packed. The Environmental Working Group (EWG.org) has a great guide called the Dirty Dozen/Clean Fifteen that make this much easier to keep track of.
Fun fact #2: You can put avocados and bananas in the fridge to extend their shelf life. I refrigerate my avocados when they begin to ripen, which delays their getting to the squishy, over-ripe stage. When I bring bananas home from the store, I immediately put them in the fridge, where the cool temperature essentially stops the bananas from further ripening (though the skin will turn black). Don’t let them sit in the fridge for more than a week or 10 days, though, otherwise they will deteriorate.
Fun fact #3: If you buy your bananas on the green-ish side, they have more resistant starch than the super-ripe ones you’d use for banana bread. Resistant starch helps keep us full, causes less of a sugar spike and crash, and helps with weight management. Unexpected benefits!
Fun Fact #4: It’s easier to peel a banana from the bottom.
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How much caffeine can I consume in a day?
The science keeps changing on whether (and how much) caffeine is damaging or helpful. I find it’s more useful to pay attention to when you're drinking caffeine and how it's affecting you. A cup or two in the morning is probably okay – gods know I’m Ms. Grumpy unless I have a my two cups of tea after waking. (Yep, tea-drinker here. I love the smell of coffee but I hate the bitterness.)
Here’s what to keep in mind: If, every time your energy starts to flag during the day, you go through cup after cup of coffee (or Red Bull or Coke), you’re artificially revving your system, setting up a vicious cycle of caffeine/sugar spike and crash, and interfering with, among other things, your ability to sleep. You’ll be better off (and happier, once you get used to it) drinking water and eating a steady supply of protein throughout the day. The water will help flush out toxins and keep you hydrated, and the protein will help balance your blood sugar and lessen those caffeine and sugar crashes. Add a slice of lemon, lime, orange, cucumber or mint to a pitcher of water for extra flavor. And keep an apple and cheese, a Greek yogurt and a tablespoon each of raisins and walnuts, or peanut butter/almond butter and celery stalks on hand for easy protein snacks.
Another useful piece of information is your pulse: if it’s racing, that can be a sign you’re drinking too much caffeine (though a racing pulse may also come from other health factors, which is why you should always mention this to your doctor).
Also, did you know that decaf coffee and tea still contain caffeine, usually about 3%? That can be a very useful piece of information if you’re trying to reduce your caffeine intake while still drinking something tasty. It’s worth checking if there are decaf versions of your favorite coffees and teas. (Side note: If you find caffeine makes you sleepy, especially if you’re experiencing other issues such as time-blindness; hyper-focus alternating with inability to focus; difficulty handling frustration; difficulty recalling and following multi-step directions and balancing tasks, those may be signs of ADHD. Don’t panic; ADHD can be managed. Your doctor will be able to give you more info.)
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This began as a project for the Hyde Park Chamber of Commerce. It didn't seem right for only Chamber members to benefit from the information.